Threats and more threats

Gretchen is nice. Don't we all know this? I mean she looks nice and all.
But here's the thing. She has a sinister side. This side is involves a friend named Victor. Victor goes against me all the time. In fact, Gretchen whips him at, and even threatens me with him.
Victor is her pocket knife. He's a 4-inch blade from Switzerland. Sometimes to annoy Gretch, I call him Vicky. It's not the smartest idea. But he's very handy. He's been used for lots of things. But it seems that most often he's being used to get me to do things. Often this knife wielding involves words like, "Don't make Victor mad, Venom." Or, "Venom, Victor isn't happy with you right now." Or even the more straightforward, "Venom, I carry a 4-inch blade." Here's a picture of Victor:




Yes, I cower. Okay, so sometimes I put up a tough front. But the truth is, I always acquiesce. I mean wouldn't you? What if she were looking at you like this?













Or this?

Wouldn't you do what she says. I think I'm living on the wild side when I just say no to her. It's my new-found braggadocio.
But don't get me wrong, Gretchen has also used this knife in my favor. She makes salsa with it. She's threatened Elder's Quorum Presidents before to make sure that we got to keep our same home teacher.
But I like Victor. Gretchen tells me that I have to.