WIMotW: Edict #5

When I'm Master of the World, all bathroom stall doors will push OUTWARD.

Why does this even need to be an edict? Can't common sense just prevail in this regard? Yeesh.

WIMotW: Edict #4

First, my last blog post was #600. Huh.

Number 601 stems from a convo that Anna-Lisa and I had tonight.

Smoking is selfish. Unless you smoke in complete isolation and take sonic showers to remove all of the chemicals from around you, it is simply selfish. The idea that it's your right to spread toxic chemicals that cause cancer, etc. diseases, into the air that other people breathe is nuts. Oh, and selfish.

So When I'm Master of the World, my 4th Edict will be this:

• Outlaw cigarette and chew ads completely, 100%. No more ads in magazines, newspapers, billboards or at/on stores.
• Make it illegal to sell any clothing, etc. item, that has the company logo on it, except maybe the packs themselves. 
• Make the tax on a pack/carton of cigarettes or chew 99%. Half of the tax money will go to cancer research. Thirty percent will go to programs that help people quit smoking.
• Any store that sells cigarettes or chew to under-21s is immediately fine $10,000 and their license for selling cigarettes and chew gets revoked for at least a year. 
• If a cigarette company switches production from tobacco, plows under the tobacco crop and plants vegetables or fruits or the like, they'll get a nice tax deduction for at least six years.

I think this is a good plan. They're not completely outlawed, you can still buy them and stuff, but we'll get rid of the coolness level and will make them prohibitively expensive while creating funds for important health needs.

WIMotW: Edict #3

When I'm Master of the World, my third declaration will be the healthy ceasing of cigarette smoking. We'll turn the area of the factories into reclaimed areas for after school learning and rec places where kids can explore their talents. All of the money whored up by the companies will become our funds for this process. Factory workers can be transitioned to different jobs created by the construction of the building.
I see this as a win-win-win-win for all involved. More wellness trips to the dr than the current alternative. Punishment would be tree or flower planting or something. Or maybe hugging trees... Something like that.
All's I know is that we gotta keep growing tobacco to help out those cows in some way.


Now, to make this WIMofW less boring, you should all want this.

WIMotW: Edict 2

I will outlaw certain nefarious commercials When I'm Master of the World. the first commercial on the chopping block will be the free/score(dot)com commercial with the men in those nasty nasty nasty full-body navy body suits and the creeper with the hockey mask. Credit scores are a necessary evil, but I didn't think they had to look so skody, too.
Blech.

But, really, I'm going to ban all credit report commercials for any company.
I feel good about this.

WIMotW: Edict 1's Supporting Evidence

Just saw this on The Onion's highly reputable news page:

WIMotW: Edict 1

Filed under When I'm Master of the World**


I have decided that WIMotW, I will set the penalty for SUV and truck drivers who drive with reckless abandon during blizzards and on icy roads will be...

One year of driving the three-wheeled blue car from Mr. Bean.



**Not to be confused with Master of the Universe.
Did you see Courtney Cox? hahahaha