I worked at the MTC Copy Center for, I don't know, 5 or so years. We saw many great Dear Johns come our way. Whole districts would come in to get them copied after an elder in their district would get a DJ. I've decided to share the best one with the whole world (or those that read this blog). I typed out the letter and have stayed true to the spelling, punctuation, iffy syntax and spotty grammar.
Here you all go. Get ready, it's AMAZING:
August 3, 2000
Dear Matt,
You seem to be doing great :) Of course who would expect anything else when you’re on the Lord’s errand?
School is going, not great, but it soon will be over and aa new semester will begin. My parents will be out here this weekend. I also had the chance to watch Tyler and Kailey last week. They are awesome!!
Matt, things are going really well for me as they are, I’m sure for you also. I cherish the memories we’ve shared. I’m grateful for the growth we did. You were in my life at a time when I needed you, thanks for your friendship and patience. I told you before that I know what I’ve wanted and, well, I’m engaged to be married in November. I decided to tell you now and spare you from the invitation saga. He’s from New Hampshire and served his mission in Argentina. I’m very happy and he treats me like his queen, I never question my importance in his life, he gives me no reason too. You will always have a special part in my heart. The Lord loves us and blesses us with what we need at various times in our lives. This will offer relief to you in knowing I won’t be waiting to date you in 2 years, you probably wouldn’t have wanted too anyway. In fact I might even have a child by the time you’re back :) Goodluck Matt. You are a wonderful person, but there was not enough space in your life for me, and there won’t ever be. Somewhere out there is an awesome girl who is being prepared for you, treat her well. Take care and do your best sharing the gospel. I’m very happy. Perhaps now you’ll understand why I was so distant before you left. Perhaps someday we (you, I and our spouses) can have a bar-b-cue or something. If you don’t mind please return my patriarchal blessing. Thank you. God bless
(We’ve never been able to decifer the name. The closest we’ve come is Treo)
"I'm grateful for the growth we did." ?????? Do you do growth?
Many, I wanna be at that BBQ!
And don't you think she's really so thoughtful for sparing the poor kid from the "invitation saga?" So altruistic.
Anyway, I have more thoughts, as we used to hash and rehash over the letter at the copy center as we laughed ourselves sick.
What are your thoughts? Any good Dear John letters you know about?
Oh, as a mere anecdote, one time an elder got a letter from a friend of his. Her name was, I kid you not, Lucy Furr.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
The best Dear John letter ever, bar none
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10 comments:
Wow! I just don't even know what to say! Wow! Please give back the patriarchal blessing and the part about their future spouses and them getting together for a bbq were the best parts!
My brother got a dear john letter from a girl he wasn't even exclusively dating, and it's a doozy. I'll try to get a copy of it and you can post it here.
Here's the letter - actually, I had forgotten that it was from the girl's boyfriend, of all things. Feel free to make this as public as you want in order to embarrass this idiot as much as possible! (By the way, all spelling errors are original)
Elder Halling,
My name is Nick, you don't know me but I'm sure that you have heard about me. I'm engaged to your friend Susan. First of all let me say that I am aware of your concern about the choice that Susan is making. She has shared yur letters with me and told me about your friendship before the mission. I can assure you that Susan is in good hands and to use your own words she is not "cheating herself" one bit. Your advice was good, we have "put out trust in the Lord" as you have suggested and through counseling with our leaders and the Lord our righteous desires have been confirmed and we will be married on December 29 of this year. Again, I appreciate your concern and can assure you that Susan and I are making the right decision. Now if I could give you a bit of advice. The next two years of your life WILL be, the best two years of yuor life. Take advantage of this time that you have been given to serve the Lord full-time. I recently have returned home from my mission and not a day goes by that I miss the people that I was able to serve. I can tell that you have a great heart and that you will be a great missionary. Focus more on the work and at this time preparing to enter the field then the things at home. This will be a great blessing to you throughout your mission. Finally, Susan and I have discussed it and we feel it would be best if you did not write her anymore letters. As you can tell, she will no longer be writing you so it would be best to just stop correspondence here and now. However, if you do feel the need to write us back you can. I live at the same address as Susan but I live in apartment #311. Again please do not write my finace anymore letters. If you want to tell her something you will have to do it through me. I am sorry it has to be this way but we do not appreciate your attempts to break up our relationship. If we don't hear from you, have a wonderful mission and serve with all your heart, might, mind and strength. Remember that you have convenanted with the Lord to give him one hundred percent of your time for the next two years, not 50, 80 or even 90 but 100. Focus on the work at hand and you will see many miracles.
-Nick
As you can see, it's all about control with this guy.
I love the "you'll have to get by me" mindset of this guy that is so afraid of a guy that his "finace" (great error, that one) was not even exclusively dating. That's pretty amazing.
As to the first one, who distributes their patriarchal blessing wholesale??
People are, indeed, amazing.
Poor Matt, he just didn't have enough space in his life for Treo, but it's good too know that he'll always have a special part in her heart, poor Matt.
Thanks for the laugh, and for your copious comments on my plethora of posts.
By the way, AL, why was your brother trying to break up their relationship? He sure got told by Nick, and good thing for his finace!
Oh I love this more than words. I love the part about her patriarchal blessing as well. And the BBQ... too much.
Creepy! The finace guy gives me the heebie jeebies. Do people really talk like that? I'd slap him if he was my boyfriend.
Dang! What a sick, sick world we live in. I would really like to see a truly well-written Dear John. Can it be done kindly and without the ego glaring behind it? Hmmm . . . The one from the girl's boyfriend is a winner!
gag me! i'm glad she spared the guy from a life with her.
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