Wednesday, March 26, 2008

So many possibilities and a Spoonerism

Barack Obama wants me to go to dinner with him. That's the email that he sent me telling me so. All I've gotta do is donate some more money and maybe write something, I don't know. But Barack Obama sent me a dinner invitation and that makes me happy.

So the names we've got so far: Fidela, Sarah, Vivian, Delilah, Melanie, Charlotte and Ingrid. This is an intriguing list.
Opening Day in baseball is this Sunday--unless you count the quadrennial opening games that they have in Japan (Oakland and Boston this year). I love the beginning of baseball season. So many more possibilities. Any predictions on the World Series, baseball loving readers? Sister Megan Neeley wrote me that she's feeling that it's the Tribe's year. So hopeful...

So last week I was telling Emily a story about this woman, Doris Kearns Goodwin, who used to listen to the baseball games (which were all day games at the time) on the radio and keep score because her dad asked her to tell him all about the games when he got home from work. She didn't realize until later that her dad could've just read about them in the paper. He just wanted to share that time with her.
I was trying to explain this story to Emily and inform her about the day games, except for the fact that I switched the first letters of the two words. Gay dames. Yes, baseball used to only play gay dames.

Monday, March 24, 2008

In Vegas?

This might be funny only to people like me, but I saw the funniest thing today on Hardball. There have been the normal amount of scandals lately, so there have been the normal amount of talking heads on political shows bloviating about the situation. I had the volume down while I was doing something else and look up to see Chris Matthews talking to Heidi Something-or-other, a conservative talk show host who was making some interesting points. Anyway, this is what the scene looked like:Anybody else find this ironic and funny as all get out?

**¡shout out to all my Vegas buddies!**

And we've got one different name--Sarah (well two counting Fidela). If there are any other names you can think of, drop a comment.

Different Name

So a while back Emily and I were discussing what our names would be if we didn't have the names that we've got. I don't mean nicknames or anything, like Venom or Van or Sessa, but a totally different name, like Joanne or Mildred. We weren't terribly successful.
I'm too used to my being Vanessa. Maybe some of you have some ideas, or at least passable ideas at what my name could be if not Vanessa.
I'll post some pictures that you can use to muse over while coming up with some possible different names for me.

**What about Emily?
***Unfortunately your name ideas will not but used in any future name changing on my part, I like Vanessa, but it's sorta funny to think of yourself in a different light, eh?

Friday, March 21, 2008

A spy internacionale

I'm pretty sure that my roommate's an international spy.
She keeps the oddest hours and they're never--never--consistent. She comes home at all hours of the night. Sometimes she stops by during the day. It's really impossible to tell when she's going to be in OM #331.
Another thing about her stays at the apartment, not only are they brief, but they're also rare. We can go for days without seeing or hearing from her. I think the most I ever went was 8 days, maybe longer. What was she doing during those days when she never appeared home? She's supposedly going to English classes at BYU's ELC. How can she just miss a week's class at a time? What's she doing during these long forays away from Provo? Hmmmm...fishy.
In the early morning hours I can hear her talking in Korean. Who is she talking to at 3am? Her family? Maybe. But I think she's actually talking to her contacts at the Agency for National Security Planning, or the KCIA, as it's often called.

I'm keeping my eye out for any possible hints or signs that she's going to start a subversive takeover of Provo city's gov't. ---Which could be a good idea??

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A truism from Calvin

Can I get an AMEN??

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Aloha Cake and the Perpetuation of a Falsehood in Mormondom

Today at church a myth was perpetuated, via an Aloha Cake (BTS Cake). It was like the one about the piece of wood and the nail? How when we sin, it's like nailing into the wood? We're the 2X4 and our sins are nails? Well, as the story goes, when we repent, it's like removing the nails/sins from the wood/us. Then the Savior's atonement is like putty, filling in the holes and making us nice an flat again. So we're an old piece of wood, covered and flat, but still old and pock marked.

Today's analogy involved a chocolate sheet cake that was stabbed with the end of a wooden spoon, to represent how our sins can tear us up. Then we try to cover things up in our own way with things like sweetened condensed milk and caramel sauce, but still you can see our sins, or something. But then the atonement comes in like light whipping cream, and covers it all up. But the cake is still beat up underneath, dadgummit!!

It's not true!!!!! When we repent, you can't see these old remnants of sin because we're made anew!! We get a totally new piece of wood, to continue the unfortunate analogy. We're not the same, stabbed cake, but a totally new one, no stabs in it, completely pure and ready to go. That's how the atonement works. When you teach the atonement as something that brings a newness of life, it's much more empowering:
"Knowing this, that our aold man is crucified with him, that the bbody of sin might be cdestroyed, that henceforth we should not serve dsin." (Romans 6:6)

Sorry if that was a soapbox moment, but I think the atonement is much more powerful and purifying than some putty or whipping cream, allowing us to walk in "newness of life" (Romans 6:4), because that's what baptism is, the renewal of our covenants at the sacrament, as well as the repentance process. We are very literally new, whole and complete.

I'm off my soapbox now.

And I'd rather have Gretchen's strawberry pie than Aloha Cake any day, anyway.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Bizarre Human Mating Rituals

Our apartment looks out over the end of a cul-de-sac. That view is the one I see when I look to my left while sitting at my computer.

So, today I see a red car, mid-90s model, pull up and the guy driving just started doing donuts. Around and around and around. I looked more closely and saw that he was on his cell phone. He circled around some more, maybe like 11 or 12 times or something, maybe more. Then I see why he's doing this: a blond girl emerged from an apartment below on her cell phone. Guy circles around one last time, and girl enters car.

This immediately reminds me of biology class. Remember those awkward videos that we'd have to watch about animal mating rituals? I think humans are definitely weirder.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Some thoughts

If this cologne existed, I would be won over in a heartbeat:And, speaking of the best cologne idea ever, here is the absolute worst.

Why my dad got this in the mail, I do not know. But I do know, and hold out hope, that it's because my dad buys stuff from companies that are linked to the one that sent him this postcard:

On that note, why not use this soap to deal with all our problems?
*found at macey's*

Just in case you wondered, there was a Surgeon General's warning attached to the Dread Pirate Robert's, er, drug habit:

Monday, March 10, 2008

8 years ago

On the 9th of March, 2000, I got my mission call, which meant that Sunday was the 8-year point.
Laurel pointed out that my call is now old enough to get baptized.

You should search "mission call" on youtube, there's some funny and cool stuff there.

Friday, March 7, 2008

jokes, terrible jokes

I've heard a lot of good jokes lately and wanna share:

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
For drizzle!

What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his clothes?

Are you allowed to kiss a nun?
Yes--if you don't get in the habit.

What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?
A roamin' Catholic.

So the Democrats and Republicans decided to call a truce, and as a first move toward friendship the Democrats said they'd throw a party. The Republicans could bring their elephant and the Democrats could kiss it and then the Republicans could kiss the Democrats' ...

Did you hear about the border wars between Norway & Sweden?
The Norwegians were throwing dynamite at the Swedes,
and the Swedes were lighting it and throwing it back at the Norwegians!

Why are there bones on the moon?
Because the cow didn't make it.

What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like mad because she's got a grenade in her mouth.

Why are Democrats sexier than Republicans?
Have you ever heard of a nice piece of elephant?

What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

So Condaleezza Rice walks into President Bush's office to give him a run down of the world's security news for the day: "Finally, Sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Haiti." All of a sudden the President became extremely somber and asked, "Condie, oh my, have all of their families been notified?" Secretary Rice, obviously touched and taken aback by the President's emotions responded, "I'm not sure, Sir, but I imagine there are protocols in place for notification." The President sat in silence for another moment and then looked up at Secretary Rice and asked, "Condie how many is a Brazilian?"

Modigliani walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Meet Macey the Baramobile

Last Saturday was a great day for me. I got my new car: a 2002 Mazda Protegé. She's a beauty.

Here's a nice picture of her for you to enjoy. She's nice and silver. Most importantly she's not white. And second most importantly she's not an ugly, tricked-out yellow. Man, that's was like the worst test drive ever, that yellow car.

And here's a picture from the sun roof looking down. mmmmm sun roof
Also, notice the stick shift. That was another must. I love stick shifts.

And here's Macey's backside. Those would be some lovely tinted windows, a nice perk that the previous owner added.

Some of you might be wondering about her name. Well Anah and I used to hop into Libby and go to Macey's and get food to experiment with. Well Anah's pregnant and upon Libby's demise, she suggested to Terry that they name the baby some variation of Macey Libby (Elizabeth). Well Terry was so persnickety about the idea, "Anah! We're not naming our baby after a grocery store and a car!" I told Anah that my next car would be Macey.
The whole Baramobile thing is Emily's doing. She really shouldn't suggest such things, I'll do them. It's just for the time being, the whole Baramobile thing. But it comes from this.

Anywho, welcome to my world, Macey. You're the bomb.