Friday, February 1, 2013

hmmmph

I thought that I'd moved beyond or away from flashbacks and the horrible sensations that come with them. Apparently not. I'm hoping it's just a "not yet," that there is a way to be all healed up in this regard, because they're pretty much the shittiest thing I can think of currently.




I have a stuffed gorilla named Alice that a couple of friends gave me years and years ago when I went thru a week where there were two deaths. I still sleep some nights with her in my arms, pulled tightly toward me. Here's to hoping that she can work some more magic tonight. Because I'm done. Just done.

3 comments:

Kimberly said...

I heard it said once that being cured of an incurable mental illness (this is definitely based on a loved one and not a comment on your mental state) is about reducing the intensity of relapse and increasing the frequency between them. I hope that you do move beyond these feelings forever, but until then, knowing they come less frequently has to be some sort of victory.

M said...

I like Kim's assessment....little by little, remembering that even a little progress is a huge victory in a situation like this.

I'm glad you have somthing to snuggle. :)

Vanessa Swenson said...

Therapist said the same thing. Apparently saying to a therapist, "Fix me" doesn't make it stop.
She mentioned that the memories will probably be with me my whole life. Apparently, though, as life continues on, the memories will come and I won't fall over.
The jury's still out.