A while back Brian was waxing philosophical about some things that he's heard people say over time and it's gotten me thinking on it for a while now.
He was talking about how people use some variation of the phrase "it was Heavenly Father's plan" or talk about how we don't understand the plan of our Father in Heaven when something terrible happens.
Brian mentioned that there are times when the phrase is big-time misapplied, and I think he's right. I think when tragic things happen--especially when someone else has done something terrible to us--it's not cool to comfort people by using the phrase, "It's all part of Heavenly Father's plan." Someone doing something bad to you is not part of Heavenly Father's plan.
I've noticed that the sentence is used when we're at a loss for words or when we're uncomfortable with the other person being sad.
When something sucky happens we should feel sad and we should let other people feel sad. Telling people that "it's all part of Heavenly Father's plan" can be like telling people that they're wrong for feeling sad. "Just be happy!" as a friend once told me. Or "fake it until you make it!" was another gem. Yeah, no.
It's easier to feel sad and deal with the problem. I think that's why we're told to mourn with those that mourn. It just works better.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Plans
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I recently had to explain to my mother-in-law that, when something bad happens to someone and they just want to complain, the appropriate response is "I'm very sorry that happened to you", then shut up and let them vent. Or sit with them while they cry. Whatever.
Perfect.
Spot on. "Candide" kinda makes fun of that kind of approach to life. Every terrible thing that can happen does happen, all as Candide tries to reconcile that with the teaching from his mentor Pangloss that all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds.
Just saying. It's good to feel outraged, sad, and angry when bad things happen. That's how we know good from evil, joy from sadness.
I love that you mentioned Candide. I like to, at opportune moments, say that "this is the best of all possible (fill-in-the-blanks)." Maybe I'm making the point a bit too esoterically, but it's the perfect quote sometimes.
When my friends are sad, I tell them some of my favorite things about them and why I love them:-) Cause there is nothing I can do to take their sad away, but I can always love them.
I love that idea, Riss.
It reminded me of something a friend did for me a while back when I was at one of my darkest points. She sent me a message every day reminding me why she thought I was cool. She knew she couldn't take away the sad, but she also knew that I needed to be reminded of who I was. I really think it was the single thing that kept me going and why I made it thru.
And amen. I don't like when people ascribe hateful and vindictive things to our heavenly Parents. Makes me mad.
Then God would cease to be God.
I think it might be easier to attribute the inexplicable to the ethereal.
But the misplaced attribution can lead to us not dealing with things in a healthy, or even mildly okay, way.
SO TRUE! Otherwise, there would be no agency, and that would be someone else's plan . . .
But, you know, if we had no choices, then we'd all get to Heaven, right?
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