There's this thing that's been sitting in my mind for over a year and I think I figured out a way for a succinct post regarding it. (Well, succinct for me.)
The very Second Article of Faith in the LDS Church reads thus:
We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.Essentially it means that humans come to earth with a blank slate and aren't damned because Adam and Eve ate some quince. It also means that I'mma not be eternally damned for someone else's sin. Makes sense. I've got mine, you've got yours. Seems fair.
And we members of the Mormon Church are like all stoked about this truth. Well, until things like chastity are brought up. I should still be in charge of mine and you should still be in charge of yours, but (young) women in the church are not taught this, nor are the (young) men. We're instead taught that if the (young) women don't dress modestly, the (young) men will simply lose control, that we women need to "help the men" so that we can all stay pure.
Bull.
I've dressed modestly my whole life just b/c it's in my nature and I would be this reserved if I weren't Mormon. It is NOT my duty to dress modestly so that a guy can avoid getting all hot and bothered. It is the other person's job to deal with their own arousal, not mine.
First, the idea that men get aroused faster than women is a myth and is completely untrue.
Second, each person is supposed to watch their own thoughts, words and deeds. It's insane to think that if I wear a V-neck shirt that dips only 3 inches and not 4, that I will have magical control over someone else's brain and arousal mechanism.
Third, teaching (young) women that they carry the burden for their male counterparts sinning/not sinning completely negates the ENTIRE PRINCIPLE of the second Article of Faith.
Fourth, placing this heavy burden on (young) women and telling them that if they don't dress modestly guys will get all aroused up and then, who knows what sinny-sin will go down?!?! is the same thing as telling a (young) women that she deserves what she gets if a guy does something against her wishes.
Number 4 is a damnable lie, and by damnable I mean it in the strongest sense.
I haven't had a chastity talk in a while, but if I ever end up in another one, I am no longer staying quiet. I am going to stand up for the (young) women and I am going to place the burden of thoughts, deeds and actions squarely on the person that has those thoughts, deeds and actions.
I know I've been emphatic before on my blog, but this is perhaps the most emphatic entry I've ever posted. EMPHATIC.
14 comments:
This is something that has always bothered me about the all-too-common chastity or modesty talk. I've always done my best to correct in when teaching/attending such lessons and was pleased to hear the Stake President here state quite plainly that it is not doctrinally sound. He said, "when we say these things, we teach young women that men are not to be trusted. We teach young men that they are too weak to fight temptation. And worse, we teach that we are in some way responsible for the sins of another. That is absolutely not true." I would have stood to cheer, but instead I hoped all in attendance were listening.
Sinny-sin. Chuckle.
And amen.
Kim, I love that your stake president said that. It must have been hard not to stand and cheer. Oh, puritanical nature of our church... We're in the south, we should be allowed to get up and testify right along with the speaker.
There have been a lot of posts and discussions floating around about modesty lately, especially centered on how it's taught in the church. Thank you for keeping it short and simple, for using clear and concise language, and also for not downing prominent church leaders in the process. This is the best article on modesty I've read this month...potentially ever.
A to the MEN! SERIOUSLY! I've ranted about things like this for so long. AGENCY, people.
My favorite is when, as a 31-year old virgin, people still think I'm gonna just up and have sex if I'm alone with a guy. REALLY?! Because we are taught that being alone with a man of the opposite gender is dangerous...being alone means you'll have sex. Not having two feet on the floor means you'll have sex. Staying up past midnight means you'll have sex. Going on a trip together means you'll have sex. If he sees your shoulders you'll have sex.
SO. NOT. OKAY.
Thank you for your post. I may post a rant of my own.
PS - I had a bishop once who knew I was dating someone very seriously a few years ago. He asked, "Do you make out?"
I thought it was a trick question..."Yes" I oh-so-hesitantly answered.
"Do you make out a lot?"
...."yes..."
"Do you enjoy it?"
WHAT was this guy trying to trick me into confessing?
..."Yes..."
"GOOD! Keep it that way! You need to know those feelings are there!" And then he gave me a HUGE grin.
Until that moment, as a 25-year old single person, I'd always felt ashamed about any feelings of arousal. I will always thank that one Bishop for letting me know it was okay...and encouraged.
Smile!
MO, thanks. Really, I don't think there's any reason to belittle leaders, since the best medicine is education about this topic. I do, however, think that people need to be called out when dangerous, victim-shaming, etc., things are taught. The calling out doesn't have to be crazy. What's that scripture about gentle persuasion? Yeah, that.
But when people are being jerks about it, and it's not like IN church, I'd probably be more--errrrr--vocal.
Riss, what I love about your comments is that you really get it about agency and that 30 year olds can, you know, be adults and have self (shock!!) control.
The craziest thing is that when people are like, DON'T BE ALONE WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER!!! or FEET FIRMLY ON THE FLOOR!!! or THE HOLY GHOST GOES TO BED AT MIDNIGHT!!!, the motivations go back to fear, which we all know leads to the dark side in the end.
Having faith in yourself and the people you're around while calmly knowing what your standards are and letting them be known is the safest way to live.
I'mma not live my life in an OHMAHGOSH SINNNNNNNN AAAGGHHHHH kinda way. Instead I'm thinking about the OHMAHGOSH-GOOD-THINGS-AAAGGHHHHH tactic.
Plus, two feet on the floor is so prudish.
Hear hear. I'll make sure Em reads this.
Komapsumnida, Ben.
And this, among a host of other things, is why we are friends. Every time I hear that "you'll become walking pornography" quote from Elder Oaks trotted out, it makes me want to yank my hair out!
Don't yank your hair out, Em, modesty for the head, you know.
YES. I dress modestly out of self-respect, not concern for anyone else. Women are not repositories of male morality. After all, this is NOT Golden Age Spain. EMPHATIC!
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